Love is a Battlefield

"Life is a quest and love a quarrel" (Edna St. Vincent Millay). How true this can be! Love is a battlefield that can be visualized as fighting, war, or conflict; it's a danger zone that is sometimes difficult to avoid. Often times, a relationship turns from a comfort zone to a war zone where conflict and fighting seem to persist, and a ceasefire is nowhere in sight. In a war when a ceasefire is called, opponents will either prepare to negotiate or enter a truce.
Perhaps you are in a relationship where a ceasefire needs to be called. This could be a relationship that you have with a spouse, a significant other, a relative, a child, an in-law, or perhaps a friend. You may just be in a war zone and not a love zone.

Although love is a short sweet four letter word, it comes with great perplexity. Love can bring one into a state of euphoria or inexpressible emotion but, for many it can bring confusion. Love is a fundamental part of our lives and relationships. It is believed that a vital human need is to be loved. A true revelation of what "love" really means will cause you to avoid the battlefield.

First, understand that love is not a feeling as many have come to believe. Love is a choice, a decision, and is unconditionally given regardless of how you feel. You are not always going to feel like loving that person in your life, whether it is your husband, your child, or a relative. They may do or say something that has really hurt you, and you might find it hard to feel love towards them.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr. Gary Chapman says,

"Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without love, he or she will be emotionally retarded....inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. Much of misbehavior in children is motivated by the cravings of an empty "love tank."

If children are not getting love at home, they will look for it in all the wrong places. The love tank that children have is no different than the love tank that adults have. It needs to be filled and follows the child right into adulthood relationships, thereby providing an opening for a new battleground to deal with.

For some couples, it is much easier to end the relationship than to work through the fires. For some friendships, it is simpler to avoid one another and let a cold war begin than to work out the differences. This is most popular amongst couples. Dr. Laura Berman, PhD, says that couples must "fight to love, not to win and that their relationship is not a battleground but a safe haven."

Make love a choice. Walk in love and not in a battle. Don't allow your relationships to be a battlefield, but a sanctuary, a place of refuge. A place where love never fails!

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment." ~ Barbara De Angelis



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